Self worth
By: Matt AKA Dad
I’ve spent much of my life allowing my self worth to come from other people’s opinions. It has been a maddening race to try to live up to what has been, in my mind, the crushing expectations of my parents, friends, teachers, co-workers, supervisors, spouse and everyone else in my life. This wasn't due to anything they had done, it was a direct result of me wanting to please everyone, all the time!
What I had been neglecting is an important truth - self worth literally can only come from one person, yours truly. While it’s important to use constructive criticism to grow, it should only be used as a tool for improvement. Knowing this, it is imperative to me to ensure that my children don't suffer from this constant self-doubt.
That being said, I don’t want myself or my kids to develop a laissez-faire attitude about self improvement. Quite the opposite, actually. Instead, we need to be able to reflect on our goals, make a plan for reaching them, and constantly assess our efforts. The trick is to make this a journey for single passenger vehicles only. You can pull over and ask for directions once in a while, but generally you should be able to tell if you’re getting closer to your destination.
I can still clearly remember the last day of 2nd grade and I was walking out the door with my report card in hand. I had worked really hard to bring my math grade up to an A and I thanked my teacher, Mrs. Losiewicz, for the good report. She stopped me and said “don’t thank me, I didn’t give these grades to you, you earned them”. I was still looking for validation from someone else instead of owning my own success! Thank goodness for people like Mrs. L, who help students understand that their triumphs are failures are their own doing.
The old saying “don’t let the naysayers get you down” rings true.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
– Brené Brown
I’ve spent much of my life allowing my self worth to come from other people’s opinions. It has been a maddening race to try to live up to what has been, in my mind, the crushing expectations of my parents, friends, teachers, co-workers, supervisors, spouse and everyone else in my life. This wasn't due to anything they had done, it was a direct result of me wanting to please everyone, all the time!
What I had been neglecting is an important truth - self worth literally can only come from one person, yours truly. While it’s important to use constructive criticism to grow, it should only be used as a tool for improvement. Knowing this, it is imperative to me to ensure that my children don't suffer from this constant self-doubt.
That being said, I don’t want myself or my kids to develop a laissez-faire attitude about self improvement. Quite the opposite, actually. Instead, we need to be able to reflect on our goals, make a plan for reaching them, and constantly assess our efforts. The trick is to make this a journey for single passenger vehicles only. You can pull over and ask for directions once in a while, but generally you should be able to tell if you’re getting closer to your destination.
I can still clearly remember the last day of 2nd grade and I was walking out the door with my report card in hand. I had worked really hard to bring my math grade up to an A and I thanked my teacher, Mrs. Losiewicz, for the good report. She stopped me and said “don’t thank me, I didn’t give these grades to you, you earned them”. I was still looking for validation from someone else instead of owning my own success! Thank goodness for people like Mrs. L, who help students understand that their triumphs are failures are their own doing.
The old saying “don’t let the naysayers get you down” rings true.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
– Brené Brown
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