Rooting for Failure


 By: Matt AKA Dad

A memory that stands out in my mind comes from my early soccer-playing years. I was playing on an AYSO team and showed up a few minutes late for practice. A consequence for this was that I had to run several laps before joining the team, which isn’t all that unusual. Here’s the funny part: my dad was the one that drove me to practice AND he was the coach! You read that right, he drove me to practice and then made me run laps for being late!

Reflecting on that memory made me think about the different ways we can support our kids. It also brought me to a question. What type of parent do I want to be? 

One of the most common types are what I think of as the sports agent. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve taken on this role a few times. The sports agent are the mom or dad who flirt with the possibility of their child becoming a pro athlete. They are the helicopter parent of the sports arena. They make sure everyone has exactly 4 orange slices for halftime or make a snack involving hummus. They only buy the newest brand of shin guards and or ballet shoes. They make sure their kid is on the best club team, makes every all star game, has the best teammates. Some of these helicopter parents take it up a level, they become lawnmower parents. Lawnmower parents intervene or mow down any obstacle that stands in their child’s way, sparing them any discomfort. These parents will argue with their kid’s coach to get more playing time or yell at a referee if a call doesn’t go their way. 

To be clear, I totally get it! I love my kids and will always be their biggest fan. There is nothing wrong with being excited watching your kid participate in sports. I have three boys and could not be more proud of everything they do. My one year old is walking all over the house and I want to show him off to everyone! 

The issue I have stems from a lesson I was taught early on: adversity breeds opportunity. If we make things too easy, are we doing more harm than good?

Let me give you an example. My dad’s favorite trick was when he took me to open wrestling tournaments. When filling out the registration form, he loved to put my record down as 0-0 or even worse. If there was a section for “accomplishments” he would not list any awards I might have won. Nope, he would say something like, “he can finish an entire Mac’s hoagie in one sitting” or “took third place in his Sunday school spelling bee”. This would always ensure that I drew the lowest seed in the bracket. It would also mean that I would be up against the best wrestler in my weight class for the very first match. There were quite a few Saturdays that I started a wrestling tournament at 8:00 and was heading home by 8:06! 

Growing up, I never really questioned why my dad made me run those laps at practice or went out of his way to make things a little more difficult at times. Now, as a father and an educator, I get it. If we purposefully set the bar a little higher, they may not reach it at first. There may be some scratches and bumps as they try. Our job is to be there to support them, brush them off, and encourage them to try again. 

The way I see it, every time my dad, brother, mom, or friend was hard on me, they were doing it out of love. Some might call it tough love, but it’s really understanding someone’s true potential and pushing them to achieve it. That’s the type of parent I aim to be.


“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” - Kahlil Gibran



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