Think Before You...Fall

By: Dave Hoffman AKA Opa AKA Big Poppa Huff

I have a dog, his name is Barney. Barney the dog is spoiled. 365 days a year Barney and I go for a walk, regardless of the weather, at 6 AM. One morning this past winter I awoke to hear the wind howling and the rain pinging off the windows.  Barney was awake and sitting at the bedside anxiously waiting for me. Okay Barney. I put on my flannel-lined jeans and my Lands End blizzard parka, grabbed an umbrella and his doggy leash, we were on our way.

We completed our twenty minute walk and I was anxious to get home for a hot shower before work. Most of the time we enter and exit our house via our garage, today was no exception. Much to my surprise, when I tried to open the garage door, it was locked! At that moment the wind and rain seemed to pick up. Perfect timing. Flannel-lined jeans don’t help when they’re soaking wet. 

It was then that I remembered for emergencies like this I always leave one of our windows unlocked so I could get into the house. No problem, Barney and I entered our gated yard and moved toward the unlocked window. To gain access to the window, which is on the first floor, I had to walk up the bilko doors which lead to our basement. To free up my hands I threw down the umbrella and took Barney off his leash, I was ready (or so I thought). What I didn't realize was that over the course of the winter, a thin film of mold had covered the bilko doors, which were now also covered with rain water. I took one step onto the doors and like a scene from the three stooges, I hit the doors face first. The doors responded by acting like a trampoline and vaulted me off to the side where I landed on my back. To make matters worse, I was wedged between the doors and an oversize lilac bush. When I came to my senses I realized I was like a oversized turtle on it's back, struggling to get to my feet. Barney could sense my distress because he ran across the yard and the 75 pound German Short Hair stood on my chest and began licking my face. After several attempts, I managed to crawl up the bilko doors, opened the window and threw myself into the living room.

This had been embarrassing episode but I could still make it to work on time. All I had to do was go over to the patio doors, open them and let Barney in. My misadventure was over. In the split second that followed I had my dumbass moment. I remembered that the lock on the patio doors had broken this past summer and was never repaired. The patio doors were open the entire time! I slid the door open and my soaking wet dog bounded in. He shook the rain off his back, paused and gave me a look that said "who is the master?"

Life lesson, don't be a dumb ass or think things through before you act.

The scene of the crime!